Celebrate Life

Today Doug's family and I got together and did three things he absolutely did not care for.

1) We gathered to celebrate his birthday.

• He would have been 40 years old today. Doug wasn't big on celebrating his birthday. I think it had to do with the fact that he didn't like to be the center of attention.

2) We went to Mass.

• Doug was spiritual and believed in God, but he had long ago given up on church and organized religion.
  

3) We had brunch at Frisch's.

• Doug worked at Frisch's for many years as a server. Once he quit he rarely ate there again. In the 9 years we were together I think we may have eaten at a Frisch's 3 times.

We laughed at the irony of doing things Doug didn't like to do on his birthday. We even tried to come up with other things we could do just in case he was watching. It was good to visit, laugh and celebrate his life with family that love and miss him as much as I do.

Happy Birthday, Pumpkin-butt. I'll love you always.

It's Funny Strange; Not Funny Ha Ha

Don't get me wrong. I have had a good month and a half since my last blog. I've been going out on weekends and having fun with my friends. I saw an amazing play at The New Stage Collective with Barry. I went to see the Cincy Roller Girls derby match. That's something I never envisioned myself doing. Again that is thanks to Barry. He is a great friend.

My friend Paul came down and spent a couple of nights with me. We just ran around, saw a movie, and had a general good time. I've been hanging out with friends online and playing Scrabble. In short I've nothing to complain about. And yet...

I still miss Doug terribly. I know it's only been 3 months. I've been reading some of the literature that was sent to me by the hospice where he died. I know this feeling is natural, but that doesn't really make it easier. And here is the funny strange part. I don't seem to enjoy the things I used to anymore.

I loved to read, but I can't bring myself to finish a book. All the shows on television that I looked forward to each week don't even interest me anymore. I had a hobby that I really enjoyed. Now I don't have the energy to even look at it. I'm hoping that this is just temporary symptom of all the stress and heartache that I've incurred over the last 6 months. I want to be happy, truly happy again. It is my hope that this spring and summer that I get out even more. I want to travel and to meet new people. I want most of all to stop sitting down almost every night in front of the computer because I don't have the gumption to move. I'm waiting for the funny ha ha to start up again.