Four Weeks

Today marks four weeks since my partner Doug died. I've tried not to be sad and depressed. That really isn't working out too well. I've been trying to stay focused on all the good that we had together. There are moments when I pull it off and not stare blankly at the computer screen. I rarely can bring myself to watch television anymore. I guess I'm just not in the mood to be entertained.

I went out to dinner tonight with Doug's sister Joan. It helps recalling the good times we all had together. Instead of bemoaning how difficult it is right now I think I'll share a memory. I have lots of good memories. Over the course of almost nine years we rarely argued. We built a relationship on mutual respect. There are a few that find that hard to believe, but it's true. Just ask anyone who knew us as a couple. There are so many wonderful memories to choose from.

The memory I choose to share at this time is the night of our friends Karl and Erika's wedding reception. Doug wasn't the type of person that showed his emotions easily. He wasn't one to show public affection, and he didn't like to dance. That night though he gathered me in his arms and slow danced with me. I can feel his arms around me now as I sit here and type. I can still feel the love we have for each other.

My eyes are little blurry from the tears that are trying to creep up on me. That's okay though. Because I can say something that several people in this world cannot. I was loved. I was loved by a most generous and caring man. A man who didn't like to dance because he thought he looked silly and had no rhythm. But he danced with me. Because he loved me.